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“My week at Mullingstorp changed everything. I finally got to meet myself—and my partner!”
Challenges in boxing rings around Europe awoke in me a major interest in mental training and personal development. These are important puzzle pieces when you want to be “best when it counts”. And I was successful, but I wasn’t happy. Everything just kept spinning faster and faster.
After becoming addicted to exercise, developing eating disorders, going through a divorce and finally hitting the wall, I left the national team. The sadness and pain felt insurmountable, and my sense of failure left me with bruises. A psychologist helped me understand how high the price of success had been, and that everything bottomed out in my low self-esteem.
I realized that a fear of not being good enough had been my driving force, and that in part, boxing was an escape method for me to avoid stopping and facing the problems I had with myself and in my relationship. I had projected most of our problems onto my children’s father, and I used training to run away from my responsibilities.
After a few years, I met a new man and we started a family. It wasn’t long before I saw my old patterns repeating themselves: I also started to see my new partner a bit as a “renovation project” that had to be fixed—if he just changed, everything would be great. Then I would be happy.
I was certified to coach and felt like I could see what people needed, but I still felt like an imposter with no real knowledge. My insights were on an intellectual level, but not in my heart, and I could neither strengthen my self-esteem nor break my destructive patterns. I focused even more on what my partner should start doing—despite the fact that I knew very well that the only person you can change is yourself.
I called and signed him up for Step 1, but it immediately became clear to me that we should go together as a couple. I didn’t have anything against that, but I didn’t think it would do much for me—I mean, I worked as a coach, after all…
I was so wrong!
My week at Mullingstorp changed everything. I finally got to meet myself—and my partner! It was magical. So beautiful. So loving. So naked and vulnerable. And at the same time, so safe. I had never had the courage to be alone. The atmosphere at Mullingstorp, and the course leaders’ knowledge and experiences, are so inspiring and vast, and encourage such incredible growth.
I went back after just a few days and completed Step 2. It suited me perfectly. I had been searching for myself for so long. Now I knew where to look.
My children talk about “mom before Mullingstorp” and ”mom after Mullingstorp”. We have a completely new relationship today. We’re like a new family. I’ve stopped “playing the role” of mom. I have the courage to be myself. My children responded immediately. It’s so much more wonderful to be me today. I can barely describe it!
I see similarities between my experiences at Mullingstorp and how it is to have children. Before, you might be able to imagine how wonderful it will feel, but only when you hold your child in your arms do you really know.